Six and Sad

This is the youngest foster child we have taken care of.  He was six.  Maybe that's why he showed more emotion?  I don't know.  Or was it that he had only been pulled from 'home' 30 days ago, and for the first time?  I don't know.

Have you heard a child grieving from the pit of their little being?  Especially when you know they have been through severe trauma...ugh.  Talk about a tear jerker.  

This little dude was smack dab in the middle of his grieving process of being yanked from home.  Such a sweet little guy.  He has only been in foster care a really short time, so it's all new to him.  It was really hard for him to leave his foster mom to come with us.  Then after being with us for 4 nights it was really hard for him to leave us.  He kept saying he wouldn't see us again.  I assured him he was invited back anytime.

It was hard because you want to show these kids so much love, but sometimes they won't or can't accept it.  For this one there was no hugging or such touching allowed.  Only his mommy was allowed to do that.  He reminded us constantly.  By the end he was basically sitting on my lap and I could get away with a pat on the back, or something like that, until he realized he let a mommy love on him, then he would verbalize it.  No no.  No one but my mommy can do that.

At one point during the stay he had gone in Hudson's room and was in a puddle of tears stretched out on the middle of the floor.  I stayed with him and got him talking.  And he just cried, when will I see my mommy and daddy again?  Why can't I see them?  I want to!  It's too hard.  I don't know...Will I ever see them? I want my mommy and daddy.  All with short breaths and tears streaming and in total devastation.  My tears fell with his.  I did not have a truthful answer to give him other than I don't know.  But in the end after grieving for a bit I suggested we pray over them and the whole thing.  So we did.  Then wiped our eyes and back to playing we went.  

It's like the floodgates are lurking just below the surface.  Any little trigger can trip an extreme emotion whether it is anger or tears or hitting or what have you.  Can you blame them?  Matter of fact one night when I tucked him in, (before I knew the mommy rule...Meaning no one can hug him except mommy), and I got socked right in the head!!!  No joke!  :)  Honestly it was comical.  I tucked him in.  Made sure he knew he was special and loved.  Prayed with him and I leaned over to give him a little quick kiss on the top of his head as I was leaving, and I got socked!:)  I learned fast, NO ONE BUT MOMMY DOES THAT.  Oh, I'm so sorry little guy!!!  I accept that rule and we will find other ways:)  My my.  If you could have seen how little he is for being six.  And how poor his speech was and how stinking cute he was.  Believe me, you wouldn't have minded getting socked either.

I'm just thankful that for right now we get to do this as a family.  We are all learning from it and seeing another side of life.  We all have to pitch in and help.  I count it our blessing even though some might say we are blessing the kids, I say they are blessing us.

Little man little man

We just had the pleasure of hosting a seven year old foster boy for one week.  

wow

Some things you just can't get over.  Like there are SO MANY KIDS just like him.  He doesn't know where he will live tomorrow, never the less in a week or year.  He has been moved several times.  All different environments.  

What he does know:  He will never see his mom again because she died.  His dad won't get off drugs long enough to prove himself to the state so he can have his son back.  

Let's see

If I was seven.

Drugs are better than I am...  No one wants me.  I'm not worth it.  

How would you act?  If that's what you thought as truth in your brain.  How would you act?

Well this sweet little boy was still ABLE to RECEIVE love!!!  YAY!  Made our job easier.  So many of them won't receive it because they don't believe they are worth it or deserve it.  Well tragedy hadn't quite won over this one YET.

I knew I only had one week.  So I decided to focus on one or two basic things that I could drill into his head, and hopefully heart, in seven days.

So this is what happened.  Every day I would say, "Does Jesus love you when you are naughty?", and at first he always said no.  And I would say, "Yes, yes, he ALWAYS loves you."  And then I would ask if Jesus loved him when he was good.  And he would say yes.  Then I would ask him if Jesus loved him just as much when he was naughty as when he was good.  He always said no at first to that one too, but I would quickly tell him that Jesus loves him ALL THE TIME!  End of story.  Praying he would realize no that no matter where he lives, or what is happening, he can know that no matter what someone ALWAYS loves him.  He asked me if I told his foster mom that:)  lol  so cute.  He wanted her to know that even when he was naughty he was still lovable!  

He is one of SOOOO so so many like him.  Many more damaged by irresponsible adults in their lives.  What he doesn't realize is that WE were the lucky ones.  We got to be a part of his life for one week.  

A sweet friend of mine gave a speech about a year ago.  She based it on Isaiah 58.  But what stuck was that she said God isn't asking you to give what you don't yet have.  He's asking you to give what you already have.  Even if it's a penny, or 30 minutes, and then he takes care of the rest.  Or if you worry you don't have the extra grocery money to feed an extra mouth, isn't that God's responsibility to provide if you are following him?  Or to provide the extra time?  Gas money?

See, if we wait until we HAVE, it simply NEVER ever happens.  There is never the perfect time, amount of money, because for most of us the list never ends.

The smallest thing for you, might be the BiGgEsT thing for the kids!

Our sweet dear Missy moved home with her family on June 2nd.  Easy transition?   No, not easy.  Hard work, and worth it.  Her dad worked so hard for one year to get his baby girl back. And he did it.  We are so proud of him.  We are also proud of Missy for always doing the next thing.  It sure seems like as soon as that girl gets settled in somewhere she is moved.  She has had to do some back and forth between foster care and her dad's house as they were in the adjustment phase.  But now she is there full time.  They are working so hard at learning how to be a family and we are so happy for them.  

There are so many foster kids out there.  Such a large HUGE ginormous need.  What most people don't know is that there are ways to be involved without housing someone long term if you want to.  

One of the best ways I can think of is respite care.  You still get your foster license, but you can do short term help.  So if a foster family needs a rest for a day, you could do that.  Or if they are leaving town for a weekend, you could do that.  That would be a great way to influence and meet the kids.  And you would be meeting another huge need which is helping the foster parent to not burn out.

Missy lived with us for one year.  Man could we tell some stories!  Right Missy?:)  We sure have some giggles now over some of the things that girl would do.  Were we perfect?  Not even close.  Did we give what we could and do our best?  Yes, and yes.  

One of the hardest things for me as foster mom was that I felt as though I failed every day.  I don't say that for pity.  It is what it is.  I was so deficient in knowledge for her individual needs, that it was just hard for me to feel like I was giving enough, or the right stuff.  I also was juggling two little boys and then our newest one came smack dab in the middle of that year, so it became 3 little boys.  At any rate, God showed me that He was asking for my best.  Though I thought my best was extremely insufficient, it was what was required.  So I had to start to learn to rest in that and pray for wisdom and insight.  

The other verse that I love is:  LOVE NEVER FAILS   So while I felt totally insufficient, I was doing my best to agape love.  Which I know never ever fails.  So I would rest in that. 

So, should you get involved?  If you can YES!  Please!  The smallest thing for you, might be the BIGGEST thing for them. 

DOING vs WAITING

Picture with me if you will a man named Doing, and a man name Waiting. 

Doing.  Doing sees the needs around him and knows that he will simply do what he can do.  It may not be much, may not seem like much, but he knows that it is better to give what you can, or do what you can do than to do nothing.  He knows that smiling at a stranger, being kind to the rude, or offering a helping hand, giving someone one dollar, even if they need $1,000, because he had a dollar...He knows that doing something is better than doing nothing.  He is aware of what goes on around him, and wants to do what he can when opportunity arises.  He gives out of what he has, even if it isn't much.

Waiting.  Waiting always considers his own needs first.  Waiting never has enough.  He never has enough money or time.  He can't stop to listen to someone hurting because he is busily heading somewhere else.  He doesn't have a dollar to spare because he is saving his money for something else.  He doesn't have extra food because "what if" his paycheck isn't as big next week and he needs the stash of yummies in the pantry...He can't let someone who needs a roof use his spare room because someone in his family "might" be coming to stay sometime this year, and "what if" it's at that same time???  He worries, he saves to the extreme, and makes sure he takes care of #1 first.

A sweet woman spoke at an Upwards Basketball game this year.  She used Isaiah 58 as her text.  And what stuck with me was a simple truth.  The time is now.  If you have a penny, give a penny.  Your penny matters.  If you have a loaf of bread, give a loaf of bread.  You bread counts.  She was saying so many of us keep waiting until this bill is paid off, or we save this much, or after this event or that birth, finish school..etc etc... The point is is that there are endless things and circumstances.  She was referring to fostering kids.  Her point was that we can all think of 100 reason to wait, or why the time isn't right.  She was saying that if we do that, there will never be a good, or right time.  I also thought her speech applied to any deed or opportunity that arises.  

How about just make available who we are right now, 

and what we have right now?  

Delightful Fruity Goodness

well, WELL, well~!
I cannot believe I haven't blogged here since December~!  Well I can if you consider the fact that our household increased again:)  And then b-day's, Holiday's, out of town guests....I guess I can believe it:)

Well TODAY

I 

AM 

here

to tell you that 

LOVE NEVER never NEVER fails.

That smile you give when someone looks sad.  Or you are kind when someone is not.

Those things are ALWAYS something because

LOVE

NEVER

FAILS

GOD

IS 

LOVE

AND HE

NEVER

EVER

FAILS

Today I will tell a very shortened version of a girl dear to our heart named Tee.  That's what we'll call her.  She would just die if she knew I named her that. HA:)! January 2011, Tee was placed in our lives.  We loved her.  We helped her.  We visited her.  We took her shopping.  We spoiled her as much as we could.  We almost became her foster parents!  But God had another plan.  (Josh spent a small FORTUNE on her!:) )

For some time we thought we might have some regrets...definitely some lessons learned. One thing we knew is that we followed God, and without doubt HE lead the way.  Sometimes it felt like it was for nothing, but we knew God had a plan, even if we never got to see exactly what.  

We were out of touch with her for a time in 2011 and then toward then end of the year we got back in touch again.  She thought she had burned bridges with us.  And we said NO WAY!  We loved you girl.  Just how you are and were.  She started hanging out again, going to church etc.  Of course some out to eats and shopping:)  Then one beautiful baptism Sunday, she feels God tugging at her heart, and GETS BAPTIZED in front of the whole church.   After that the changes she started making in her life were astounding.  God showed up big time in her circumstances!  

In January she got an amazing opportunity to go away to school.  So we had her over for a special dinner.  We all shared our special memories of her, and we all prayed over her.  At the end of dinner she told us that for a long time she struggled with believing God.  She said all the people she had met that professed to be Christians were pretty miserable.  She said in meeting us it was different.  We were happy.  And it stood out to her.  We were so humbled.  

So all that to say.  For a time we could have thought that love failed.  BUT love never fails.  We were so privileged to see FRUIT!  But even when you don't, you can walk by faith saying 

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

The Popcorn Theory

It's been a few days since posting.  My family and I have enjoyed a wonderful Christmas...or a few Christmas's:), with family.

I happened to pick up a book called, "In a Heartbeat", by Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy.  It is so perfect for exactly what I have been talking about.  The 'Popcorn Theory', is Sean Tuohy's theory in this book.  Have you all seen 'The Blind Side'?   'The Blind Side' is about Sean and Leigh Anne's life, and this book is the story told from their perspective.

Inside the book is dedicated to:  "All the children fighting to survive in the invisible cracks in our society, we see you."

THE POPCORN THEORY

"You can't help everyone.  But you can try to help the hot ones that pop up in front of your face."

So this thought is something I'm going to propose.  So if something, for instance this blog, pops up in front of your face, what can you do?

Well let's keep things simple here.  I'm going to recommend taking a moment to pray.  Pray for these kids.  Pray for the foster and birth family's.  Then ask God Himself if He wants you to do anything more right now.  He will open your heart or open doors if you are to do anything more.  But prayer IS doing something.  So thank you for praying.  Thank you soooo  much for praying.  By praying you are helping open doors for these kids.  You might even be causing one of these hot kernels to pop up in front of the right face:)

Missy's Poem (14 year old foster child)

Eyes ~ Ears ~ Hearts

Eye that can't see, Ears that can't hear, Hearts that are stomped on and broke to peaces. You can help one without love.

Life, Help, Hurt.

You hear all the kid out ther that are gettin abuse or have been abused.   All the kids that were aborted or gaven up or are looked in there rooms and are or were beat.

The eyes:  I can't see my future i am all alown been bet to the end and now i am hurting.  All i see is that the end of life is soon dont know what to do.

The nose:  All I can smell is the fear.  What is happening what what are they doing.  Are they going to take me away.  Will i be alive to say good by momy and daddy.

The mouth:  I cant speak i have been hurt to much.  All i can say in my mind is when will the end.  When will I find a friend like me and who will stay with me to the end.

The throwt:  Now matter what I still can breath I am alive thank God to the end.

My heart:  I am pumpin still alive.  All that has been done is scared me.  All you do is crush me till the end.

Arms:  They are bruised and cut.  Not all can see some have faded away.

Legs:  Hardly can walk away looked behined the closed doors i am traped thill I am set free.

Thanks Missy for the peak into a child's brokenness.  I left it as she wrote it.  Pray for her.   She hopes to reunite with family still, and there is still time for that.  God has brought some healing into their lives and she might get the ultimate dream of a foster kid.  

Please pray for these kids.  Right now the Lord has given us such an opportunity having contact with these kids.  I'm just posting everything I can find out.  So I don't know.  I don't have a lot of answers.  I'm just praying and asking God to use this opportunity for something.  So maybe God will lay these things on your hearts too.  To pray, to act, to know something, to share information you have...